Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Dear Ledger...

Dear Ledger,

WOW!  What a year this has been.  Everyone said it would fly by and some days I thought they were lying, but it sadly has.

From that late Mother's Day 2014 night, when it read positive on the fun, little plastic stick, I knew you were going to be the miracle that your Daddy and I had prayed for.  I was so excited that night I don't think I slept an hour.  I hid it from your Daddy, because I just wanted to make sure.  So after taking three more pregnancy tests the following Monday morning in the 3rd grade staff bathroom at Woodlake Elementary, I knew it was true and I wasn't crazy.  You were here.



When you arrived January 13th, 2015 at 12:32 pm, I admit I was PETRIFIED out of my mind.  I was scared to no end.  I like to be prepared.  There was nothing else I could have read, Googled, or asked/texted girlfriends about.  I thought I knew it all.  Well, boy was that laughable.  All that got thrown out the window the exact moment I heard your faint cries in the delivery room.  The next three days in the hospital were such a blur.  I just remember being so freaked out and not knowing exactly what to do.  I think I might have changed one diaper.  Your Daddy, grandmas, nurses and aunts sadly did them all.  I would like to blame it on the aftermath of the C-section, but I was completely overwhelmed. "I am a Mom", I kept thinking.  I wanted to be THE perfect mom.  I was literally scared to death.  Even on day two of your life, Daddy had to ask Mommy if I needed to talk with someone...  Brad was a tad concerned that he had forever lost his normal wife.:)  AND that honest, gut wrenching question from Daddy made me get a grip, put on my big girl panties and take the reins!   But, I do have to apologize about the time I was uncontrollably sobbing and begging Daddy not to go to work and leave me alone with you when you were about 2 weeks old.  I was extremely anxious, frustrated and maybe a tad "cuckoo"!  Nothing personal...





 

You are no longer a baby anymore.  You are a strong-willed, happy toddler that can now throw an epic fit when you have to put on your shoes, when you don't want to eat or be strapped in your high chair, or don't want to leave the Little Gym.   You are becoming so independent and on one hand it kind of breaks my heart sometimes that you don't need me as much anymore and sometimes it makes me cry happy tears that you can finally do somethings on your own without a death grip on my leg.

I don't mind picking up the tornado of toys, books, blocks, and fridge magnets at the end of each day.  I don't even mind picking out the endless trail of soggy crackers left embedded in the high quality apartment carpet at all (Not ours and not for long!)  I don't mind talking to you all day everyday in our baby talk dialogue, and the persistence of trying relentlessly to get you to say "Mama" instead of "that" guy's name.  I don't mind that ALL you want to eat is pureed baby food, but the recent discovery of Ritz and Lays has been great news; even though you really only lick the salt off of them.  And at the rate we are going, I won't mind packing your lunch of Squeezies when you are in 2nd grade, but you may get made fun of.  I really don't even mind our 2 am, 3 am, 4 am parties anymore; my body and mind are used to them after a serious lack of sleep for the past 365 days.  

I cannot get enough of your infectious giggle, sideways grins, and your teasing nature.  Or your love of people (you would gladly go with any child abductor), love of open-mouthed kisses, and your zest for life!

You have taught me that life is definitely an adventure and that as a Mom, you must be flexible... That is a tough word for this type A personality, but I have you to thank that it is getting better.  Slowly, but surely.  You have taught me to live each day to the fullest.  You have brought daily laughs and smiles everyday to our lives.  Just one of you shrillish giggles can make a bad day turn around in a split second.

You are a true blessing to our lives.  Your Dad and I sit around and talk about what we did without you; sleep a lot, drink a lot of wine, go out to adult dinners, take fun spontaneous trips, go to the movies and sleep more!  But we would gladly give up all those again and again for YOU.  You have taught us the true meaning of unselfish love.  You are undoubtedly the best thing that has ever happened to us.

You are special and unique.  God knew exactly 'YOU' so long ago; what your personality would be, your spirit, your quirks and he molded your laid back demeanor. Your Daddy and I are the blessed ones that get to call you ours.  Ours forever.  


I am already so proud of you it hurts. You are destined to do great things Ledger Cory Wainscott.  I just know it.  But for now, just stay Mommy's BFF.

I love you more than anything and nothing will ever change that.  

Love,  

Mommy 


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